Together

This week we finally sent out our wedding invitations to our friends here, and it couldn’t feel more official.

For those of you who may not know, we just got engaged in January. We are thrilled and grateful. The proposal was rather unexpected: he asked me to walk along the coast on early Sunday morning, which was the usual thing to do since we love being outdoors when the weather is nice. It was a beautiful sunny day although it was almost 2 degrees below zero.

When we were there, he told me to take off my gloves because he wanted to take a photograph of mine. My thinking brain resisted, because why would I take my gloves for a picture in a cold morning? but my feeling brain said, “okay.” He told me after that to turn around and face the beach because he wanted to take a photograph from behind my back. Hmmm ok, I thought it was either he got a lot of references on how to take an instaworthy picture or he just wanted to make fun of me.

After that, he said, “now you may turn back.”

When I turned back he was already on his knees with a ring inside a matchbox (yes it was a matchbox!) and he asked ‘the question.’ Before I said ‘the answer,’ I quickly screened through the location hoping there was no flash mob or helicopters or flowers or whatever. There was nothing suspicious in particular, and then I said “now?!?!?!”. And then I said “yes” 20 seconds later after he asked again.

Not long after that, he told me to look at what was in front of me. Oh shit now comes to the flashmobs and all the shit I was thinking, but there was nothing. He asked again If I saw something special and I said no. Almost gave up on me, he told me that in front of us was actually the restaurant where we talked to each other for the first time. Oh very romantic 😀

Looking at the restaurant gave me a warm nostalgic feeling: how it started and how grateful I was that we made it to this point. I didn’t need my gloves anymore. ha-ha

We both agree that our relationship already felt right in the beginning. We showed our vulnerable side in either the first or second date. Maybe the fact that we both are very blunt helped a lot. As time went by, we realized more and more that we are so similar in so many things. We thought there was a big chance that we were twins in a previous life.

Although we share a lot of similarities, I noticed since the beginning of the relationship that he has more tenderness and sensitivities towards feelings that just come naturally. It is a beautiful thing to have, and I would say that comes possibly from his upbringing. He is very good at maintaining friendships and taking care of other people. He called his friends and family once a week just to check if everything is alright, while I was more at the passive side, if there is no text or call, I assume they are okay. He is also a boy who cries. He cries when he sees something that moves him. He cries when he feels happy and sad. I find that quality very attractive. It is one of many reasons why I want to be his girlfriend and later fiancée and soon to be wife.

Our relationship is built on discussions. We can have tireless conversations about anything. It can be about our feelings, politics, environmental issues, stock markets, or even gossips. Our relationship is also built on spending time to travel together. In the last three years, we have visited sixteen different countries in total. In which we flew, we rode, we cycled, we camped, we walked, und wir haben Tretboot im Aasee gefahren, and we drove RV.

In retrospect, besides all the fun, our relationship is also full of challenges as we both come from different upbringing, culture, language, country, you name it. In the end, I am happy that those differences did not bring us apart. Instead, they brought us closer.

These are some of the many things that I have learned from our relationship, which I think have brought us to where we are today:

We have an equal relationship. We believe that everybody has his or her own traits, but there is a time when a good listener just wants to talk and be listened to. Or, a super caring person just wants to be taken care of. And that is okay. We are all humans, and no one can stop us from experiencing our feelings. Having said that, the ability to take on a role that is entirely different from one’s natural role is essential to balance the situation. As well as to be fair with each other’s expectations. So it is not always person A’s job to calm someone’s down or person B’s job to take responsibility for something. We both are equally responsible for maintaining good dynamics and making things work together.

A quality to be a good friend for each other should not be overlooked. It might sound silly to be a friend with your partner because, of course, the expectations are different. But for us to a certain extent, it works perfectly. I remember during my college time back then in Indonesia. I had a bunch of friends with whom I always spent my time with. They studied different subjects and had their own life, but when we were together we went all out! We went to mid-night cinema after debating training (I was a member of a debating club back then in college), we had dinner together, we told each other stories, we laughed, and we made fun of each other (in the most loving way possible). Time passed so fast when I was with them. And when I was back to my dorm, my heart was filled with a lot of happiness from such a good quality time. This experience is what I try to recreate when I am with him: fun, fresh, far from dullness.

Ability to be alone together is also pivotal. We both are very active people. We have a lot of hobbies. We are also very independent. Sometimes, there are certain moments when we just want to focus on ourselves and do things that we like alone (even when we are together). For example, during our vacation. We take 2 hours for ourselves. He can go biking while I was reading and enjoying music under the sun. We have our own world besides having our world together. We also have our own circle of friends besides having a shared circle. It makes our relationship healthy. It makes us not overly attached.

Last but not least, we both try our best to be involved and have an opinion when it comes to making a decision together. We believe by doing it; we show care and accountability to each other. We never take “up to you; I am fine” as an answer. We discuss which restaurant we are going to eat at which country we would like to visit, which present we are going to give to someone, etc. Lately, as a part of wedding preparation, we worked together to choose the venue, decide on the menu, select the color tones for the decoration and invitations, and the list goes on (we even made an excel model together to optimize things). I think I would get crazy if my fiance told me to arrange the wedding from A to Z as I wished it to be with zero involvement from his side.

Having said all of those, I am not implying that our relationship is perfect, but I can say with all things we have learned together, I am happy to be who I am while growing further together with him. Cheers for more stuff to learn..

…together!

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